The Calm Before the Storm

Again, it’s been a few days since I’ve written anything. As always, there’s lots going on, but at the same time, nothing that’s felt momentous (or new enough) to be blog-worthy. Sometimes I feel like my posts swing from hope one day, to anger and frustration the next, then back to optimistic excitement after that. I’m normally a (very!) even keeled person, so it’s strange to not only be feeling these crazy ever-changing emotions, but then also to see the evidence of what I’ve been feeling on the screen in front of me.

I also worry that I am saying the same things over and over again – like when you boil things down, I really only write two blog posts: the happy version (yay, can’t wait to be pregnant soon!); and the sad version (why has this been so much harder than it should be, and will it ever end?). So, really depending on what I’m feeling on a given day, I should just press a button to automatically generate either the “happy” or “sad” post and be done with it. But that wouldn’t be much fun, so I’m going to keep plugging away.

The feeling meter today reads: happy, or to be more specific, hopeful. With a dash of excitement thrown in.

The IVF process is still kind of fuzzy to me. So many more steps than IUI’s, and so many variables to keep track of, that it’s hard to know when you can say you’ve started. So given that there’s some leeway, I decided that today’s the day! I officially started IVF today by taking my first pill.

I got my  protocol from my IVF nurse on Friday. I’d had a tentative protocol since the end of January, when we made the decision to go ahead with the IVF this month, but the start of the tentative protocol was a week earlier than my actual start, since my period the last two months has been a few days later than I expected. So, I was expecting everything to be shifted back a week, but the only thing that changed is that I’ll be on the pill one week less than originally planned! So, now I don’t mind so much that my period was later the last few months, since it means that there will be one less week of waiting with IVF.

I know some clinics like to get all of their IVF patients synced up, so everybody is going through each stage at more or less the same time, and I think in my case this worked in my favour. After pretty much sitting around just waiting the last three months, it’s great to see that things are going to start happening fast now! Today was the pill, tomorrow I start antibiotics (will take them for 5 days), Tuesday is my SHG (sonohysterogram) to check out my uterus, as well as our IVF orientation at the clinic, and then Wednesday I start suprefact to suppress my ovaries. Woo hoo!

On another positive note, it’s good to be back home after three weeks of work travel, and I was especially happy to be back at my weekly yoga class this afternoon. I came in a bit late, so had to grab a spot right in front of the instructor, which turned out well because she asked me if I was interested in doing another one of her fertility yoga sessions. I’ve done two rounds (6 classes each) in the past, and loved the class, but the last few times she’s had trouble signing up the minimum of 4 people she requires to run the class, so I’d pretty much given up on the class and wasn’t even going to bother looking at the next sign up date.

I read her fertility yoga brochure over after class, and was happy to see that the dates lined up great for my timing – class starts a week Thursday, and ends right around the time I’ll be finding out if I’m pregnant or not. I decided I would definitely sign up for it, and if the minimum class size wasn’t met, I would sign up for a private session or two instead to help me stay calm. I told the instructor that I was definitely in, so she could email me to let me know if she got enough people to sign up or not, and she told me that I was the fourth person to sign up, so the class is on! I am so excited to be able to have this support on what will be my most important cycle to date.

I know this next month is going to be crazy, especially once I start the stimulation drugs and the almost-daily monitoring, but right now I’m enjoying the calm before the storm.