I Just Can’t Help Myself

I really should know better by now. Actually, I do know better, but for some reason, I continue to have an optimistic/masochistic urge to making proclamations to myself like “by the time ____happens, I’ll be pregnant”, or “this is the last time I’ll do _____before I get pregnant”.  Just about all of my blog posts lament yet another missed deadline or lost opportunity on the baby making plan, and yet like some sick hope junkie I have to do it again. Because this time will be different. So here it is:

Yesterday, I bought my last package of ovulation predictor sticks for a really long time. There I said it. The plan is to use them this month, at which point one of three things could happen.

1. (Best case scenario) In an unprecedented show of fertility, I will get pregnant this month, just in the nick of time to avoid having to do IVF. I have a baby 9 months later and live happily ever after.

2. (2nd best case scenario – no ovulation predictor sticks required) Once my period shows up, I move to IVF, which  is successful. I have a baby 9 months later and live happily ever after.

3. (3rd best case scenario – no ovulation predictor sticks required) I do a second IVF as soon as possible after the negative pregnancy result from the first IVF. The second IVF is successful. I have a baby 9 months later and live happily ever after.

I know many people would not think option 3 deserves to be included on a  list of “best case scenarios”, and while I agree it’s not the ideal path it sure beats a lot of the alternatives out there. I’ve been at this long enough to realize that nothing has come easy so far, and why should IVF be any different? So I am trying to prepare myself for the possibility that IVF #1 may not be successful, in which case I’ll go for round 2. But I’m not yet willing to face the possibility that 2 rounds of IVF may not be enough to bring a baby home.

So, I really, really want these to be the only three options for how the next six months go. Hell, I’ll even throw in a chemical pregnancy on option 1 or 2 if it means I will ultimately succeed through option 2 or 3-  I just don’t want to face the possibility that none of the 3 options listed above will happen, and I will have to once again adjust my expectations.