(Another) Two Week Wait

In exactly two weeks, I’ll be going back to the Dr.’s office to have another endometrial biopsy. I’m assuming (hoping!) that the results will indicate that the endometritis is gone and I can get started for real with the IVF. Of course, I’ll still have to wait for the results, which could take upto a week, but since they only took two days last time, I’m hoping it will be another quick turn around.

So, while it’s not the usual two week wait (where you’re waiting to see if you’re pregnant or not), I hope that by the end of it, I will be genuinely closer to a baby.

Overall I’m doing okay with having things pushed back a few weeks, though I admit that I am counting down each day that I get closer to the next biopsy. I think the biggest reason why I’m getting antsy is that I feel like so far 2011 has been one big bust on the baby making front, so every little delay now feels much more significant than it should.

I realize that technically everything up to this point since we’ve started trying has been a bust, or I wouldn’t be blogging about infertility, but at least I feel that we gave it a good go in 2010. We started fertility treatments in February 2010, and finished the year with 6 IUI’s and 2 pregnancies under our belt. I can look back on that, and say it was a solid effort.

However, since my last IUI in December 2010, it’s just been one long wait to start treatments again: first waiting to take DHEA sufficiently long enough before starting another cycle; then waiting for my period to come so I can officially kick this cycle off; and now waiting again for this infection to clear up. One quarter of the year is over, and it will be one third over by the time we get our first real chance at a positive pregnancy test in 2011.

And it’s times like this when conceiving a baby couldn’t be any less likely, that I really notice all of the people around me who are pregnant. This is mostly people I know in real life, however in the last few weeks, I’ve also realized that many of the people I have “met” on my online infertility forum are also now pregnant. 

My husband and I were talking about this the other day, and he asked me if it bothers me when the other girls on the forum get pregnant. I told him that for the most part it doesn’t (well, except for those crazy, toxic girls who manage to get, and stay pregnant on their first try at whatever their fertility treatment of choice is – that drives me nuts!). 

When it comes to the vast majority of the girls on the forum, I’m happy that their time has come. The nice thing about the forum (unlike in real life), is that it’s a revolving door. Once someone you’ve been journeying with gets pregnant, there’s always someone else who’s still working at it, so you don’t feel abandoned, and there’s no hard feelings or awkward moments as you join new threads that speak to your current reality.

That said, lately I do feel left behind as I realize how many of the girls who were recovering from pregnancy loss with me last July, or cycling with me on my IUIs from August to December are now pregnant (either from those cycles we were on together, or subsequent IUIs or IVFs in 2011 while I’ve been pretty much sitting on my hands). In a few cases, they have even given birth to healthy babies, and here I am still stuck in this mess of infertility and no closer to a viable pregnancy than I was all those months ago. So, yes I’m happy for them, but at the same time I am also sad for myself that I have to endure yet another two week wait.