I seem to be suffering from a touch of infertility amnesia this month. Coming off my IVF cycle which took four months for one very precisely timed shot at conception, to all of a sudden trying naturally again this month makes me feel like I’ve rewound my infertility history by several years.
I am once again charting my temperatures, peeing on ovulation predictor sticks, and monitoring my vaginal secretions so that my husband and I can ensure we are giving egg and sperm the best possible opportunity to meet.
I am paying attention to what my acupuncturst says, studing the Cooking for Fertility cookbook I borrowed, and reviewing my Yoga for Fertility book once again. For some reason, I am seriously embracing all of these things which have failed me in the past, as if one of them might actually make a difference this month.
Last week, I even ran around to several stores trying to get a tube of Preseed, the sperm friendly vaginal lubricant, since I was worried I may be approaching ovulation with very scant amounts of cervical mucuos. I don’t know what got into me, but I felt that I just had to get my hands on some Preseed, or else this month was doomed for failure.
I’m not sure what to call this. Hope is too strong a word – I don’t really expect to get pregnant this month. But at the same time, it has been a very long time since I took a natural cycle this seriously.
I think there must be something invigorating about experiencing the contrasts between having a highly controlled medicated cycle, and a good old fashioned roll (or 4) in the hay. And this works both ways – a “break” from treatments usually ends up being more welcome than I would have thought, and yet I am always happy to be moving on to the next medicated cycle where I feel like I actually have a chance. And thankfully this time around, the next medicated cycle is just around the corner, with our next frozen embryo transfer planned for September.