Peeling Back a (Small) Layer of Anonymity

I am back from my pregnancy blood test, and may or may not get results today. That said, the results are just a formality, as I already know what they will say. I took my last pregnancy test today just to confirm the earlier negative results. I am 11 days post a 5 day transfer, so even with late implantation, etc. if I had a viable pregnancy, my First Response Early Response pregnancy test would show a positive.

So I am expecting a flat out negative, but based on my previous chemical pregnancy where my beta hcg was only 11 (or too low to be picked up by a home pregnancy test) I realize there is also the possibility that my bloodwork could show a low positive.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not holding out “hope”. When I had my chemical pregnancy, I did a ton of reading about starting out with really low hcg levels, and saw there was virtually no chance that starting out that low would result in a viable pregnancy. While I came across enough stories about “low” betas resulting in healthy, bouncing babies 9 months later, they were betas in the 20’s or 30’s, which of course my home pregnancy test would have picked up this morning.

The only reason I mention the possibility of a low positive scenario, is to provide context for why I am anxious to have the pregnancy results today; so I can officially get closure on this cycle, and know how it ends – whether it’s the likely BFN (Big Fat Negative), or the less likely, but still possible chemical pregnancy scenario. I want to know what my “stats” are, as I start to plan next steps and make a list of questions I will ask the Dr. at my follow up consult next week.

Assuming I still have the emotional energy, I am planning on writing my next post about the complete nightmare that the simple act of getting my blood drawn this morning ended up being. But in order to do that, I need to provide some additional context, which will be very difficult to provide if I continue with cloaked references to my “old city” and “new city”.

When I started this blog, I was very careful to leave out any details that would reveal my identity if someone who knew me happened to stumble across it. It was (and still is) very important to me that I could write what I want about who I want on here, and be comfortable sharing things I wouldn’t share in person with people I know, without worrying about someone I know reading it and connecting the dots.

So aside from the obvious things like not including my real name on this blog, or posting pictures of myself, I have taken the less obvious steps of connecting this blog with its own email address, instead of the one I normally use, and not even revealing where in Canada I lived. 

I really don’t get enough internet traffic to warrant this level of paranoia, but  it made me feel good knowing I had multiple layers of security in place to keep me safe from prying eyes. That said, having recently moved from a smaller city, to a bigger city, I had already been considering at least sharing where it is I now live, as millions of other people live here too, so I no longer feel like sharing that information would really reveal anything personal about me, and it’s easier to just share where I am instead of constantly saying “new city” or “where I live” etc. etc.

While many would argue that the place I moved from is large enough that sharing that location would likewise not be any sort of big reveal, over the years that I lived there, I experienced too many strange connections/coincidences to give me comfort that I could remain anonymous if I shared where it was. Despite being one of Canada’s major (or at the very least semi-major) cities, over and over again I came across situations which proved to me how small and tight social circles there could be. In many ways it felt like a much smaller town than the population would suggest.

Here is just a small sample of what I mean (this post has ended up ridiculously long – feel free to read only a few of the below coincidences):

1. Shortly after moving there, I started to cultivate a friendship with one of my coworkers. When we discussed where I live, it turned out that her husband’s ex-wife lived in the same 8 unit complex as us (2 doors down, I believe).

2. Around the same time, my husband connected online with someone who was putting together a band and looking for people to jam with. Soon enough, we found out that one of the singers in the 8 person band worked at my work (not the same office as me, but the other office in town). To make it more strange, just the week before I had bid on (and won) a United Way raffle item at my work which she had submitted, for 3 personal training sessions with her.

3. After buying our house, we were telling a friend (actually one of the band members referenced above) about the place we bought and how the old owners had moved to Belize. His wife perked up, and we soon made the connection that she worked with the woman we bought the house from until she moved away.

4. On another occasion, a friend of a friend was driving me home after a party, and when she pulled up at my house, she said “I’ve been here before.” After a few minutes of discussion, we confirmed that she also knew the old owners of our house.

5. Several years later, I was now working at a new job. The office was really small, with just three of us, and me and the guy I worked for were looking for someone to replace the third person as she was going on maternity leave. We hired a keen summer student as a temporary replacement, and when he found out where I used to work when I first moved, he asked if I knew his cousin who also worked there. It turns out I knew here quite well, as his cousin was the friend mentioned in point 1 above.

6. When we went away on sabbatical two years ago, we put our house up for rent. One of the people interested was a yoga instructor. When she showed up to see the house, we immediately recognized each other as she had just subbed in that week for a class I was taking at the new yoga studio I was trying out. She and her friend ended up signing a lease, but due to a last minute change in her friend’s circumstances, had to back out.

7. We ended up renting our house to three other people. One of the roommates was our main contact, however when we met the other two roommates, we discovered that we had another yoga instructor on our hands. This girl taught at the main yoga clinic that I attended, and I’d done many classes with her, so again she recognized me right away.

8. When we sold our house in June, we had another series of coincidences. My husband was trimming the plants at the back of our yard, and chatting with our neighbour in the yard behind us, when the neighbour told us that he met the guy who’d bought our house. Turns out they were at a stag party for a mutual friend, and ended up going back to our neighbour’s place after the party, where the new owner realized he was staring into his new backyard.

9. Several weeks later, we were talking to the girl who bought our place, and she mentioned off hand that her best friend was familiar with our house. She was telling her friend about the place she’d just purchased, and her friend started finishing her sentences. Turns out her best friend is the yoga instructor who almost rented our house when we went away (see point 6 above).

10. And if you’re not sick of the yoga references yet (hmm….perhaps the issue wasn’t where I lived, perhaps it was the fact that I did yoga 🙂 ), after buying our new house, we realized that we would have nowhere to put our hutch/china cabinet, so we listed it on Craigslist. We started getting requests for more information coming in, but nobody seemed interested anymore when we followed up. And then my husband got a hit from someone who wanted to come see the hutch in person. He forwarded the email to me, and I recognized it right away as my fertility yoga instructor’s. (And in case you’re wondering, for good karma, we ended up flat out giving it to her instead of charging her anything for it).

So if you’ve stuck with this post so far, hopefully you’ll appreciate that I’m not some nut for not wanting to reveal where I used to live! However, I am comfortable with sharing that as of last week, I live in Toronto, Canada’s largest city.

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4 thoughts on “Peeling Back a (Small) Layer of Anonymity

  1. I grew up in that town, and you are right- for a mid sized city, it can be very very small!! I have also lived in your new city and it’s fantastic! Enjoy!

    I am so sorry to hear about your BFN. I’d been thinking of you and so hoped for a different outcome. Fx for fet when you are ready, if that’s the route you go.

  2. Thanks! Barring any unexpected comments from our follow up appt with RE on Thurs, or consult with our Toronto RE next Mon, planning to do FET #2 in Sept. So grateful to have 7 frosties left, makes moving forward much easier than starting from scratch.

  3. I’ve been away so missed your news. I’m so sorry about the BFN. Knowing you have 7 great frosties left is a comfort, I’m sure. I also understand wanting to be anonymous here- I have a separate email and even my DH (until a few weeks ago) didn’t read my blog. Sometimes I feel bad about holding out on my RL friends who are also going through this, but I need this space to say what I want without worrying what RL friends will think of me.

    Wishing you the best in your new city, and with your upcoming FET.

  4. Thanks Jess!

    Yes, our 7 frosties are probably what’s keeping me sane right now. Or as DH likes to say “it’s okay, we saved our work.”

    I haven’t shown the blog to my DH. I feel eguilty about that sometimes, so nice to hear I’m not the only one.

    And I agree, sometimes I would like to share parts of the blog with certain RL friends…..just not all of it with everyone! Can’t really do that though.

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