Newfound Hope

My two week wait is almost over. Well, technically it’s more like an 11 day wait for me, but who’s counting?

Tomorrow is day 11, and I’m going to take a pregnancy test first thing tomorrow morning. I should mention that I actually have no illusions that I may be pregnant – in fact I am fully expecting good ‘ole Aunt Flo to show up in two days. Aside from the usual pessimism about being 0 for 25 (give or take a month) on natural cycles, my husband and I didn’t really give it our best shot this month. I was away for business most of the month, and as a result, we missed having sex on the two most important days, and had hungover sex the morning after our friends’ wedding on the third best day. All in all,  not a great track record, even for the fully fertile!

So tomorrow morning will be more about ticking that final box before starting IVF, than about praying to see two lines, but that’s fine with me. While for the longest time, doing IVF absolutely terrified me, I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t wait to get started. I actually feel like a weight has lifted, knowing that I’ve committed to going down this path.

And, after almost three years of trying to conceive, it feels wonderful to be new at something in the fertility game again! I feel like I’ve become so jaded and cynical about all of the steps I’ve taken so far, and the hurdles I’ve crossed; like I already know too much about timed intercourse, clomid, IUIs, acupuncture, charting, supplements, the pregnancy losses, and all the rest. But IVF is brand new. And like anyone else starting down a new path, for the first time in a long time, I have hope again.

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